Jacket, Pocket.

how to walk like a queen [source]

Thu, 31 May 2012 11:45:31 +1000

how to walk like a queen [source]

a cursory follower, but i think your relationship with your girlfriend sounds incredible. it makes me happy that you're so young and you're making it works. makes me feel better about my own.

Thu, 31 May 2012 11:35:59 +1000

Our relationship is horrible and we’re only staying together because we think that Kolker deserves a good home during her childhood.

Rhiann likes les miserables.

Thu, 31 May 2012 11:32:40 +1000

Does that mean that in order to maintain this “not an asshole” act that I’ve been putting so much effort into I’ll have to take her to see it when it comes out? I think it does. I would rather try to pass a pile of thumbtacks through my digestive system than sit through a musical.

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Thu, 31 May 2012 11:24:17 +1000

The best thing about Men in Black III is that Jemaine...

Thu, 31 May 2012 11:03:00 +1000

The best thing about Men in Black III is that Jemaine Clement (of Flight of the Conchords fame) plays the alien villain, and the fake accent he uses for the character is pretty much just his Bowie impression with a deeper voice.

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Thu, 31 May 2012 09:59:16 +1000

I'm transferring some films to my HD to have a movie night.

Wed, 30 May 2012 23:52:33 +1000

I’ve kind of hit a wall where I’m not finding enjoyment in things. The usual kind of light escapism that distracts me from life has become just as frustrating as life. So I’m going to stay up late watching serious intense foreign films. If this can’t hold my attention, nothing can. I’ve even downloaded ‘The Best of Youth’. It’s an Italian film that goes for over six hours.

But the files are going to take eighteen minutes to transfer. I’m going to type random thoughts while they do.

It’s impossible to believe somebody when they tell you that they find you attractive when you find yourself to be unattractive. The only way to believe them, even if only a little bit, is to think that they’re kind of crazy and that their weird obsession with you is blinding them to your obvious flaws. To believe them otherwise means to believe that you are in some way attractive. That there is something there for them to be attracted to. But until you can do that, even the most tenacious person won’t be able to convince you that their claims of attraction are anything more than some kind of weird pity/flattery hybrid.

We romanticize the apocalypse because if the world ends tomorrow it will turn us all into our own existentialist heroes. Because nothing we do will matter. So all that will matter is what we do. If we’re kind to people it will be an act of heroism. If we’re cruel it won’t matter because we’ll be beyond morality. We won’t be operating within some framework, we’ll be creating one. Ourselves. Alone. And it won’t matter. Which is why it will matter. It’s a hard concept to grasp. The zombie apocalypse is a little easier. Because we’d have a reason to band together. Any version of the apocalypse where humans become the survivors and it’s survivors vs. something is an easier version of the apocalypse. You can imagine being in a group, somebody saying “we have to work together” (when you imagine it it’s probably you saying it), that kind of thing. But that apocalypse where everyone just dies out and you’re one of a handful left, that’s a whole ‘nother thing. It’s not fun. You can feel it in your chest when you contemplate it. You feel the heaviness.

I found a scarf once when I was in highschool. I was in year eleven, so I was seventeen, and somebody left a plain grey scarf in a classroom. I found it and put it on and for a month or two during winter it became my scarf. I never knew how to wear it. My friends showed me some weird special knot kind of thing that put it to the side or something. I don’t know what happened to it. But after that it was years before I put on another scarf, even though I really liked the idea. Then last year I read a short story by Margaret Atwood. There was a part where the protagonist, a kind of bored rich housewife, stood in front of the mirror and tried to throw on a scarf the way that her young exciting interior decorator did. It described how she just threw it around her neck and looked so confident and care-free and casual, and you saw the futility in this housewife putting so much effort and stress into trying to emulate that. It couldn’t have been more than a week before I bought a scarf and started wearing it the way that I’d imagined the girl wearing it in the book. Just throw it around. Don’t even look. I still wear scarves. Jess just knitted me one.

Sometimes I think that I’m never really going to have money. Not in the way that you hope you will when you’re a stupid kid like I was. I won’t own a house. I won’t own anything of value, really. I’ll always be a little bit in debt. Never really be comfortable. I don’t even know what comfortable means. Who’s comfortable? When I was younger my friends came to visit my house. They called it ‘comfy’. When I went to their houses they had tennis courts and pools and all of that kind of stuff. Their parents- The files just finished transferring, so I’m out.

Butts.

Wed, 30 May 2012 15:46:33 +1000

Butts.

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Wed, 30 May 2012 15:38:51 +1000

Photo

Wed, 30 May 2012 14:55:16 +1000

People keep reblogging some Tumblr called 'unpopular opinions' or something.

Wed, 30 May 2012 12:15:00 +1000

But it’s not a bunch of posts saying “Eugenics is a great idea!” or “Segregation is the best!”, it’s post-cards - that’s right, the younger generation doesn’t know what post-secret is so they think this is a new idea - it’s post cards with scribble on them talking about TV and movie characters.

I like this bad guy from this movie even though he’s bad.

This character should have been a brunette.

I didn’t like this movie as much as the book.

Now while it’s startling that there’s a blog dedicated to these boring and trivial opinions, what’s even more amazing is that they get THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF NOTES FROM PEOPLE THAT AGREE. The fundamental gimmick of this blog being that the opinions it shares are unpopular, and yet they’re incredibly popular.

How does this work? How does a blog like this exist? I mean, if it was called ‘the popular opinions’ and it did the same thing surely it wouldn’t have the same following.

It works because these kids suffer from special snowflake syndrome. They watch Harry Potter and they think that Voldemort is cool and they want to think that they are the only one. They reblog this shit because they’re saying “I’m so weird and crazy my friends don’t even get me. Here’s a postcard explaining why”. It’s so incredibly pathetic.

jimpson: So last year in December I recorded myself on my...

Wed, 30 May 2012 12:00:01 +1000

jimpson:

So last year in December I recorded myself on my iphone, playing my pinkie uke and singing “Ring of Fire”.
Here it is.
MWAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA.

My friend Jess has a really beautiful voice. I was really down in the dumps when I broke up with my first girlfriend (aka the devil), and I went to a school event where Jess was singing and she dedicated a song to me. It was ‘Fever’. In the weeks that followed dozens of teachers asked people in my year level whether or not this meant that Jess and I were an item. It was hilarious. Jess is a good friend. Easily one of my best friends. And she has a really beautiful voice.

End long texts posts with "So fuck you".

Wed, 30 May 2012 11:43:00 +1000

I watch so many of you write out long arguments, but you start every second or third sentence with “maybe” and end them with “idk”. Then after you’ve made this coherrent and logical argument, you end on a sentence saying “I don’t even know just typing out my crazy thoughts whatever lol”. Stop that. “I’m probably just guessing but idk”. Stop. “Maybe that’s just me I’m probably wrong”. Stop it now.

I don’t care how much of an awkward little penguin you are, have some fucking conviction. You’re not stupid. You’re not an idiot. And while I understand that you may be afraid of having people argue with you and you would like to add one sentence that suggests that even if you’re proved wrong it won’t upset you too much, it’s not worth it. You know that what you’re saying is right. Otherwise you wouldn’t be saying it. End the post with “So fuck you”.

Because smart people are smart enough to fear being made to look stupid. They’re smart enough to know when an argument isn’t as strong as it could be. If you finish writing something and you’re worried about it; It’s because you’re smart. Stupid people don’t have this problem. Nobody ever wrote “if we camed from monkeys then whycome there still be monkeys? hah, evolutions a joke!” and then stopped before posting it and thought “Oh gee, I don’t know if that really gets my point across as well as I’d like. I could end up looking quite the fool here. Maybe I’ll add a few strategically placed “idk”s to cover my ass”. And the internet is full of these people spouting their idiocy as some kind of fact or gospel. The least you could do to stem the tide is not subvert the internet’s only intelligent discussion by doubting yourself.

I’m asking you to stab a big spear into the earth with a red flag on top that says “This is my opinion. It is what I think”. Stand triumphantly beneath it, arms akimbo as it flaps violently in the wind. If anybody should come along and say “well i think ur wrong becoz…”, heave it out of the earth and stab them with it. Don’t just push it over and run away crying. Use it.

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Wed, 30 May 2012 10:00:54 +1000

thedailywhat: How To of the Day: Because you already mastered...

Wed, 30 May 2012 02:56:46 +1000

thedailywhat:

How To of the Day: Because you already mastered the chainsaw technique.

[laughingsquid]

Australia.

likeroscoe: This is the Cthulhu that Marxisforbros was talking...

Wed, 30 May 2012 02:50:40 +1000

likeroscoe:

This is the Cthulhu that Marxisforbros was talking about.

That’s the Cthulhu that I was talking about! I really like it. When we first moved in it kind of irritated me that there was no mirror on our medicine cabinet (the mirror is on the wall to the left of this picture, it’s horrible, when you pull back the shower curtain you’re confronted with a full view of your hideous naked self), but since she did this I don’t mind it so much.

Why do you have a water cooler in your kitchen, what's wrong with the cold tap?

Wed, 30 May 2012 02:48:00 +1000

Wait, there’s a cold tap? I always assumed that the second tap was also hot. I can’t believe I never checked. What a life changer.

—————————————————-

Dear followers,

That was the most entertaining response that I could think of to this incredibly dull and boring question. Below I have written the actual answer. I am warning you that it is incredibly boring. I suggest that you scroll past it.

—————————————————-

In my last house the water from the tap tasted like rust and blood (to recreate the flavour, just put a bunch of old coins in your mouth and chew them until your teeth break - the coinbloodspit will be almost identical to the liquid that poured from the tap). Rhiann and I resorted to buying a water cooler as we figured the big bottles of water would end up cheaper than the small bottles that we’d been buying frequently when we could no longer stand the tap water.

In the new house however the tap water is fine, and it’s usually what we drink. I guess we just keep the water cooler around because we don’t want to throw it in the bin and it also provides chilled water.

Thanks for your incredibly interesting question!

Lazy Sunday and Lazy Sunday 2 These comedy music clips, while...

Wed, 30 May 2012 00:13:00 +1000

Lazy Sunday and Lazy Sunday 2

These comedy music clips, while entertaining, remain the most accurate depiction of life as a middle-class white male ever documented on film.

likeroscoe: Look what I did to the fridge. Rhiann does stuff...

Wed, 30 May 2012 00:09:08 +1000

likeroscoe:

Look what I did to the fridge.

Rhiann does stuff like this all the time. I want her to post the Cthulhu that she put in the bathroom, because that’s still my favourite.

"This is not a democracy. It’s a cheerocracy."

Tue, 29 May 2012 14:48:59 +1000

“This is not a democracy. It’s a cheerocracy.”

- Sylvia Plath